Words That Help: What to Say (and Avoid) at a Funeral

Funerals are sentimental. Be it that you were close to or going to attend the function to provide support to someone close, it is not easy to know the right thing to say.

The right words are like a comfort, and the wrong words, although they are usually well-motivated, can be harmful. When you do not know how to say you are sorry properly and nicely, you are not the only one.

Knowing what to say (and what not) at a funeral will make it clearer to you and make you feel more ready and stronger when giving your sympathy.

Why Words Matter at a Funeral

Grief is a very intimate process. In case a person has lost someone whom he or she loved, he or she is helpless. What we speak during such occasions may either be encouraging or end up hurting. Remaining with someone is essential, but our way of communicating is also of great importance in compassion.

You do not need to be perfect with what you say. There is no need to give a speech or to think of something. There are a lot of common-sense sayings.

Funeral homes across Australia often see families and friends struggle with this challenge. They provide guidance not only on arranging services but also on how to support those who are grieving.

What to Say at a Funeral?

The following are some good caring words that you can speak to a grieving person:

“I am so sorry about your loss.”

This conventional line is neither complex nor complicated. It is understanding, and it appreciates the suffering that the individual is experiencing.

“I’m here for you.”

Telling a person that you are ready to assist or simply to listen to him/her can be quite reassuring. It gives a sense of emotional support without putting pressure on the individual to react in a particular manner.

“They will be missed.”

This is an acceptance of the significance of the person who has deceased and attaches the significance of the lack.

Share a memory

In case you were acquainted with the deceased person, recounting a brief yet joyous memory can be a beautiful way to celebrate his or her life. In an illustrative situation, a person would say, I shall never forget that your father was telling the best jokes during family gatherings.

“There are no words, but please know I care.”

Other times, it is not necessary to think of what to say; it is just right to say that you do not know what to say. It does not matter since you are present, which indicates that you care.

What to Avoid Saying at a Funeral

Some of them can appear as useful words, yet may sound dismissive or even inconsiderate. These are a few things that you should not say:

“They’re in a better place.”

This could be a reflection of what you believe, but it is unlikely to be helpful to some, particularly whilst grieving at an early part of the process.

“At least they lived a long life.”

Attempts at concentrating on the positive may at times appear like you are trivialising the loss. Grief is not necessarily logical, and it is emotional.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

This phrase can be unpleasant in times of profound hurt. Sufferers of grief simply need to have their emotions recognised.

“I know how you feel.”

Everyone grieves in their own way, even though you might have lost something. Use something like: I cannot imagine what you must be going through, or I am thinking about you.

Giving advice too soon

Never insist on how someone should act or feel. Sentiments such as you ought to move on or stay strong can be oppressive or pressure-packed. Just listen and support.

How Funeral Homes Can Help Guide Conversations

The role played by funeral homes is not limited to the organisation of the service. Some of them have grief support programs or employees who can assist you in finding the right pathway when addressing sensitive topics. In case you do not know what to say or how to offer condolences, the funeral directors have years of experience to take care of families in such grievous moments.

They know that loss is an emotional concept and have been trained in assisting people in communicating peacefully. They can also give you ideas on the correct language and tone to use, whether you are intending to give a eulogy or just want to write a nice note on a condolence card.

Tips for Writing a Thoughtful Condolence Card

You may have a problem attending the funeral, or you want to leave something that will create a permanent memory for the family, and a condolence card is an alternative. Be brief, considerate, and honest.

Example:

Dear Sarah, I was devastated to learn that your mum has died. She was a very kind and giving individual, and I will never forget how she welcomed everybody. Just wanted to write and tell you I am thinking about you and love you.”

A few words can be a great relief to a person who is in mourning.

What If You’re Too Emotional to Speak?

It is natural to experience grief at a funeral. There is nothing wrong with becoming too emotional to speak. A tender hug, a caress on the arm, or even an eye contact sometimes is worth more than words. There is no need to force yourself to tell something in case you are not ready. Presence is already powerful in itself.

Final Thoughts

At a funeral, saying the right thing does not imply using the right words. It involves treating people in a friendly and humble way. When people grieve, they keep in mind how they were treated by the other person, rather than what was stated. Be sincere, use simple words, and emphasise supporting them.

The funeral homes are usually a pool of good resources, not only to organise the services but also to help people with the emotional turbulence of loss. Their staff are aware of the possible consequences of words and behaviour, and they are present to check up manually when it is usually one of the most challenging periods in life.

During a phase of sadness, any supportive statement and little actions make a difference. Select yours wisely, and you are giving something that is indeed significant.